My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
