She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
