How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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