I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
