ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
