Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
