So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Every concussion has its silver lining
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
