get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
