I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
