remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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