The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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