im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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