I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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