I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
