you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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