How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
