so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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