Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
