well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
