I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
