i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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