Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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