i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Quick, to the slutcave!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
