This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
