i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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