Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She bit a glass in half.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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