Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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