there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
