Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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