Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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