craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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