yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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