Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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