i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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