last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
