this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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