I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Randomize
