he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
