Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
