he thought i was a dude.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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