i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
