Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
