This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
