but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
