Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
