That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
