i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
