I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
