where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
