Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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