Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
