He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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