God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
